If I must root for a team, I'll pick the Patriots simply for two reasons.

1) Niners got beat by the Giants.

2) Tom Brady was born and raised in the Bay Area.

 AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I just read the newest Bleach chapter.


HOOOOLYY SMOKES Renji, you sexy beast, your new hair looks amazing! and Byakuya and Toshiro! I'm fangirling so hard right now.


coincidentally, I think I also need to go on a Renji/Rukia rampage now.



<33

Ahhh, I've been loving every single moment of the Bleach world. I have finally reached The Lost Agenst arc and was recently giving thought to the fandoms I support. Oh, so many.

The first half are my most actively shipped ships.

Ship: UlquiHime
Characters: Ulquiorra Cifer and Orihime Inoue
Notes: My Bleach OTP. There is too much to say about them, so much so I need to keep it short. In my biased eyes, theirs is one of the most complex relationships in the entire story. Ulqui can give Hime what Ichigo never has (and that's a lot). Not only is there a lot of potential, but for some reason, Kubo keeps feeding this UlquiHime thing. Not that I object at all. ^^

Ship: GinRan
Characters: Gin Ichimaru and Rangiku Matsumoto
Notes: This is almost the only canon pairing in the entire series. What can you say against the man who gave up everything for her? HIs honor, his reputation, his life, even how Rangiku looked at him.

Ship: NnoiNel
Characters: Nnoitra Jiruga and Nelliel Tu Oderschwanck
Notes: From Chapter 293 (Viz translation), Nnoitra asks, “Why didn’t you strike?” and Nel replies, “Why didn’t you?” Nnoitra simply says, “Fool. I stopped because you did.” And then he goes on to say how annoying she is. But Nnoitra… we can see the truth and how much he cares for her, and to an extent – she for him. (A side note, but I just can’t see the Grimm/Nel shipping… as much as I want to see Grimmjow with someone not Ichigo)

Ship: UraYoru
Characters: Kisuke Urahara and Yoruichi Shihōin
Notes: After chapter 193 and 194 (episode 114), I was sold. Yoruichi gave up her life as a Shihoin for him, and Urahara, for all his mistakes, always has her back. I imagine he also finds some sort of peace with her. She accepts him as he is, and he's always treated her as an equal - not a noble or an untouchable. Just Yoruichi.

Ship: UkiUno
Characters: Jūshirō Ukitake and Retsu Unohana
Notes: Ah, the doctor and the perpetually sickly patient (whoa, double adverb there). Age-wise, the two of them, as well as Shunsui and Yama-ji, are some of the oldest people in the Gotei 13, so I find them suitable for each other. They are also both quite refined, elegant, intelligent, and wise. They seem very traditional: Unohana does Ikebana, while Ukitake does stuff like bonsai trimming. They also value honor very highly.

Ship: RenRuki
Characters: Renji Abarai and Rukia Kuchiki
Notes: My first Bleach ship. This pairing honestly does not stand much of a chance against the giant that is IchiRuki. But a large part of Bleach is about strength. While Ichigo (literally and figuratively) derives his strength from Rukia, Rukia draws strength from Renji, as does Renji from Rukia. Rukia just doesn't get that from Ichigo. I understand they argue and care for each other a lot, but I think they're connected as deeply as they are because they are comrades. It's a sort of co-dependency, having fought side-by-side, forced to rely on the other to help them. It makes me think of Band of Brothers. With Renji, he and Rukia have an understanding of each other, more as equals as opposed to Ichigo-the-super-shinigami and Rukia-the-level-headed-guide. Renji and Rukia understand how the other works, thinks, reacts, and though some of their quirks might drive the other crazy, they still love each other.

Ship: Ishida/Nemu (do they have a ship name?)
Characters: Uryū Ishida and Nemu Kurotsuchi
Notes: Pretty much a crack pairing. True, Ishida is always nice to almost every girl (except maybe the one who asked him to fix her stuffed animal, though I don’t think his hand was feeling very well at the time), but I liked how he showed concern for Nemu whenever he came into contact with her (Soul Society and Hueco Mundo), despite what her father did to the Quincies. If anyone can draw Nemu out of her shell, it would be Ishida.

Ship: ShinjixHiyori
Characters: Shinji Hirako and Hiyori Sarugaki
Notes: Shinji’s concern – almost borderline hysteria – for Hiyori after Aizen incapacitated her… speaks beyond the verbal exchanges he and Hiyori often throw on each other.

Ship: Kira/Momo 
Characters: Izuru Kira and Momo Hinamori
Notes: Izuru pretty much betrayed Soul Society to protect Momo. (Though I do also support HitsuHina - aka Tōshirō Hitsugaya and Momo Hinamori - as well, but more in a familial relationship...)
*I have more to say on KiraHina but I'll type it out later.

Ship: Jinta/Ururu
Characters: Jinta Hanakari and Ururu Tsumugiya
Notes: Little immature Jinta, tugging on Ururu’s hair. Young boys who are more comfortable playing in the dirt often tormet the girls they like, not knowing any other way to express themselves. Ship: ShunNan Characters: Shunsui Kyōraku and Nanao Ise Notes:

Ship: ByaHisa
Characters: Byakuya Kuchiki and Hisana Kuchiki
Notes: Well. They were married. Can’t get any more canon that that.

Ship: Kensei/Mashiro
Characters: Kensei Muguruma and Mashiro Kuna
Notes: I don't care what anyone says, I think Kensei's pretty sexy. But he's kind of serious. Mashiro was his lieutenant and they balance each other out well. Plus! In the Turn Back the Pendulum chapters, he wanted to pull her robe so that she wouldn't expose anything. Even though he finds her annoying, he still cared enough to do that, and I thought it was really sweet.

... Poor Ichigo, left out in the cold. But I never could see him with anyone. Maybe Tatsuki, then?

Unity.

Race, gender, age, sexual orientation, religion, political preferences... It doesn't matter, if we're all American. We need to stand together during turbulent times, and a more turbulent day was never seen in the modern, Post-World War II era than on Tuesday, September 11, 2001.

That's what this country needs - we need more unity. Instead of bickering amongst ourselves and attacking each other, we need to stand together, in order to preserve America. Jesus (and Abraham Lincoln!) said that a house divided against itself cannot stand.

The much-needed wakeup call on that fateful Tuesday was a prime example of how... complacent and hateful we have become towards each other. True, the aftermath of that day caused a massive backlash against the Muslim Americans in our country, but after the attack on Pearl Harbor in December of 1941, the Japanese Americans (like my grandfather) were interred into concentration camps all across the West Coast.

In an ideal world, the discrimination against those who physically resembled the ethnicity of the terrorists would never have happened, it was inevitable. Looking at it objectively, however, the reaction to Muslim Americans was not as horrible as it could have been.

But even in the face of that backlash, America came together. I think that's what we need. Less obsession about what makes us different and more concentration on the fact that we're all Americans. Because America is not a country with a native peoples (save the Native Americans); we are all different by default. Even one white person will not necessarily be the same "white" as another Caucasian. We're all unique, and isn't that part of what makes us American?

This day, nine years ago, was tragic and something I wish could have been prevented with all my heart, but I do not regret the patriotism that pulled the country back together in the days to come.

Nine years later, I wish we would remember the feelings of loyalty to our country and our fallen kinsmen - those brave souls who fought the terrorists or rushed into the collapsing Towers to help people displayed the ultimate act of love for their country: they laid down their lives. I wish we hadn't become jaded with the deaths of so many soldiers in Iraq.

I love this country, and I wish America could band together once more.

Hullo world!

There's not much to say right now, other than I'm finally a sen10r, but I'm sick (again) in bed, and..... I've finally finished working on the WillxAnna icon/banner/wally set that I started about a month ago.

It was inspired by the Boys Like Girls song Hero/Heroine, when I was listening to their old album in preparation for LoveDrunk.. The color scheme is the colors that come to mind when I hear that song, which I first heard in the summer between my freshman and sophomore year. (Oh! The memories!)

Anyways. Enough rambling.

( under the cut )

Ever feel like a failure?

Does anyone else hate being compared to other people? In this day in age, everything is determined by where you stand among your peers.

It sucks. Really, it does.


I mean, really, what determines success and failure? Who in this world determines it, and does it really matter in the long run?

Two thousand years ago, the kings and nobility spent so much time, effort, and money trying to secure their place in history. All men and women want to be known and celebrated.

Examples? Gladly! Julius Ceaser. William the Conqueror. Shi Huang Ti. Alexander the Great. Cleopatra. Herod.

Can I quote Ed Harris? "Man only has one lifetime, but history can remember you forever."

Some of the things they did to ensure their remembrance were ridiculous. We laugh at them, sometimes, now. In our modern, technological world.

“Need to be remembered, bullshit,” they scoff now, “They’re dead.”

When it comes down to it… Does it really matter what we do here on earth?

All of humanity has this need to compare and be compared, in order to stand out and be recognized. A chance to do something great, of value and worth.

Saying that I don’t need or want to stand out would only prove the point, unfortunately.

So what’s my point?

I’m so sick of being compared to people. Being compared to friends and family, being told just what you aren’t able to do and oh, how someone else can do it – and so much better than you ever could… Well, thanks for being so encouraging.

I’ve only lived seventeen short years, but these past couple years seem to have been the worst. Friends, family, siblings, friends’ parents — in short: everyone. They compare you to whoever is standing next to you.

* Some of the following examples are a little exaggerated.

“What did you get on the physics SAT2?”

“Jane Doe is taking three AP classes, coaches Little League softball, and still has time to serve as editor of the school paper. Why can’t you be more like that?”

“He got into MIT. I heard you got rejected from Irvine.”

“That’s what you got on your SAT1? You should have taken an SAT study course like I did. What’s that? Oh, you did take one? Maybe you should take it again?”

“You’re not driving yet? How come? Everyone else is.”

Hello, Dumbo. We’re all different people. We run at different paces. Some people aren’t gifted in ten thousand different academic subjects like Suzy-across-the-street. Maybe I am only strong in one area, and what I consider strong, others consider just average.

We’re all different, so what is the point of comparing a box to a ball? Or a heart to a star, eh? How about an elephant to a giraffe? Or, let’s go extreme: a mouse and a rat. They’re both rodents, small, and with long, skinny tails. They sound pretty alike. Bet they both like cheese too.

I hate to break it to you, but rats aren’t supposed to eat cheese. Sorry, Remi...

I’m tired of trying to stand out and be different. Is it so hard to accept that I’ll never be who you want me to be, no matter how much you want me to be? Nor will I ever be like Jane Doe or Joe Blow or Billy-down-the-block. I have my own problems, my own strengths and weaknesses, and my own struggles.

There are so many things that I can’t do in this world. I am quite aware, thank you, that I’m not Superwoman and no, I don’t look like Megan Fox, and last time I checked my IQ, I certainly don’t have the mind of Einstein.

Not only that, but I am so aware what my faults are. Yes, I know I’m lazy and grumpy and selfish and unmotivated and too prideful for my own good. No one is more aware of all those faults than I am. Rub it in, will ya?

I’m trying, I truly am. Do you know how hard it is to try to fix something when someone is constantly hovering over your shoulder yelling that you still haven’t fixed it yet?

The West wasn’t won in a day. The Roman Empire literally took centuries to build. It took years to finish the Great Pyramid and the Great Wall of China. The Declaration of Independence was rewritten numerous times before we knew the famous words, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, and all men are created equal…”.

I’m slow by nature, and I’m only human. I’m not trying to use it as an excuse, but it is a valid reason.

I’m tired of feeling like a failure. I see what everyone else can do and then I look at myself.

Compared to them… What is left for me, anyways? Is there even any point in me applying myself and studying my butt off if my best is compared to everyone else’s best (which totally and completely surpasses my own by a few bazillion points)?

I guess that’s what bothers me the most. I feel like this, so in my head, I think that it’s alright to slack off. It’s that “If I won’t succeed, then why even try?” mentality, I think.

I don’t know, it’s not even that I like to wallow around in self pity, looking for affirmation from people, or wallow in self pity at all. I tend to rant (such as what you are reading now), lock myself in my room, and write.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.

I was thinking back over this past year, and I realized that I accomplished almost nothing. It was the most unproductive year I’ve ever had. Yes, there was Godspell and the yearbook and I built so many amazing relationships this year…

But have I even changed as a person, at all for the better? I know that I’m not the same person that I was a year ago. But have I grown?

Academically, I really don’t have anything to be proud of. It makes me wonder if I am actually learning anything; is my brain even absorbing any new information? Will it retain anything at all, three or four years from now?

I went to a psychologist for the better part of this school year because she said I had an adjustment disorder. But I don’t even know if there was a visible change. Is it three hundred dollars a month gone down the drain for nothing? I feel like there are two sides of me. One side is the side everyone sees, and the other side is hiding in the back of my brain, that little maggoty side in my brain.

It’s times like this when I wish I had a time machine or could see into the future. If I continue on like this, what will I be looking at in twenty years?

I’m annoyed, because it feels like I’m cheating myself. I was sick for a month and a half, whoopee. There’s all this schoolwork I need to catch up on. If you could see me with now, I’m jumping for joy in front of my computer screen.

See, that is how this whole comparing issue ties in. I’m annoyed with myself and then I look up and see everyone else, and then I see everything they’ve done. It’s like I’ve fallen into the Black Hole of Peer Pressure. Not only am I comparing myself to everyone else, but other people are also comparing me to everyone else.

Yes, as embarrassing as it is to say it, I am aware that I sound (and probably am) super-duper insecure. It’s a real riot.

And that, my friends, is the reason that I really do feel like such a damn failure.

I just want to know what it is that I’m doing wrong here.


sorry if this doesn't make sense. when I write at 3 in the morning, my mind wanders, and it's so dark that I can't see where it went....

Two posts in one month, wow!

So anyways, I was writing out my summer schedule and here's what I came up with. Doesn't look like much at all on paper (or virtual paper), but it sure is, I suppose...

I was about to f-lock this when I realized that probably nobody visits this journal except for if I post fanfiction or icons. Both of which have not been posted in quite a while. So tally ho! :P

~June 20, Single Mom's Oil Change

~June 22-28, College road trip down to SoCal and visit the fam.

~July 9-12, Disneyland trip? With friends. Not sure if that's going to be able to happen, but I really want it to.

~July 26-August 2, Mexicali!

~August 8/9, Disneyland with Moe.? Not sure if that will get to happen either. Dadgum CSSSA and their rules about curfew.

and somewhere in there, I'm trying to fit a beach trip, a Raging Waters trip, and a bunch of other hangs with coolkidswhoarelove.

Plus Driver's Ed (oh, I'm such a procrastinator- it's lovely. I should have had this done in sophomore year, but no. I wait until the summer before I'm a senior. yeah, baby.)

AND French. 

AND SAT prep. which is physics/english lit/writing/math and a bunch of other stuff I suck at. FUN.

Then, there's the videogames that I absolutely must squeeze in, the anime marathons, the unfinished stories, and pretty much everything else that's piled up in my life.

Good thing I don't have a boyfriend on top of everything else.

yep. this is going to be a kickass summer. I really do love my life.

<3 Aeralyse

Maybe it's just the end of the year... but times are changing.

Mood is contemplative and nostalgia hits.... Makes for a little musing...

__________

I both hate and love how life is.

There are those special times in your life when you're happy. You know them: small, fleeting moments or long days that you wish would never, ever end.

I love those. Those are the times that you look back on and smile.

It reminds me of a well known saying that goes like: "Let the good times roll."

However, I've always thought that there was a missing phrase in that quote. What comes after that, when the good times come to an end? Change?

See, I've never really been one for change. In fact, I was diagnosed with Adjustment Disorder earlier this year, in October. Yes, there really is such a disorder...

But I have learned, over the course of my life (my meager seventeen years), that a lot of times, changes bring good things.

When you later reflect on what's changed in your life, you can hardly imagine how things were before. Hopefully.

Changes, no matter how much we wish they wouldn't come, are inevitable and they move us forward.

It's just.. always hard to say goodbye.

And saying goodbye is what I hate the most.
__________________________

Flames to dust... Lovers to friends...
Why do all good things come to an end?
~All Good Things, by Nelly Furtado

After two years in the FMA fandom, I am pleased to announce that........

Your dearest Aeralyse is finally caught up on all things Full Metal Alchemist! 

I spent this past weekend relaxing after my school performance of Godspell by catching up on the manga (about thirty chapters' worth) and finally, finally starting the new 2009 anime. All caught up on the first eight episodes, and I am highly anticipating the release of Funi's dubbed version. I know that their dub projects are always kept on the down low, and it probably won't come out for another year, but I'm pretty stoked that most of the original voice actors will be returning. Call me stupid, but Edward Elric is not Edward Elric unless Vic Mignogna is doing his voice. Paku Romi is good, but I love the fact that a man is actually doing Ed's English voice. LOL

Speaking of the anime, my favorite moment in the new series is in (was it?) Episode 5. It was when Ed and Al were in Tucker's library and Nina came along wanting to play because her father, the abominable Shou, was too busy studying. Edward had a flashback to when he and Al were peeking into Hohenheim's study back in Resembool when they were younger, and then he threw down his book and went outside to play with them. It just made me go "awww", and then the EdWin fangirl in me started brainstorming for a new Ed/Winry fanfiction piece.

And I'm all caught up on the manga now, so I actually know what's going on, and WOW. I am so excited for next month's chapter. Everything is getting so close now; I could care less (not reall) about the coup in Central as long as I get to see Ed and Winry get together. Chapter 84, I believe it was, was so amazing. :P

In other FMA news, one of my fellow anime/manga freak friends got to go to the Fanime in San Jose, this past weekend! I couldn't go, since I had Godspell, but she promised to get me some Hagaren merchandise, something I am desperately short on. Since, well, I don't really have any FMA merchandise at all, besides the manga books, but those don't really count. Yes, I'm just that broke. Plus, one of my dreams is to go to Comic Con, and I have to save for THAT. lol.

Anyways, while Annie was at Fanime, I was at the TOSPS performing the musical Godspell. It was amazing! And if you've ever done anything theater-related, you know that the week before a performance is jam-packed with rehearsals, last minute changes, stress, and just overall busyness. You hardly spend any time at home because your become consumed with the production. But that, in my opinion, is what makes it all worth it by the end.

So mostly, that's how my week went. I spent a wonderful Memorial Day simply doing nothing, except now that almost everything I was doing this year has started coming to an end, I think I'm going through withdrawals because my brain thinks I have nothing else to consume my time with. Hahaha...

Haiyaku, FMA, for another chapter and episode, so I have something to give my life to! :P Because I'm just that pathetic.

Love, Aeralyse. <3

 This is the first time I've ever used a customized layout (with a header!!). :) I had to pick a simple one, in order to figure out how to actually follow the instructions correctly. I think it's very pretty, even though it is simple, and the blue is refreshing. It reminds me of spring. Or something. I don't know.

This layout was made for S2 Flexible Squares by presents over at refuted and it's called "Smooth". There's also a light green version of this one.

I did, however, make the header myself. Brushes are credited to the website Aethereality. Quickie thing, doesn't look as good as others', made in a pinch because I was eager to get a header up there. *sighs at own stupidity* Well, yeah. Basically, that's it. I think the whole thing doesn't look bad at all. ^_^